To Know and Be Known

I've heard it said that the basic longing of every human soul is to know and be known. I guess that's not surprising - we are relational beings. All of us are generally happy when our relationships are fulfilling, or generally sad when our relationships are broken. When we're connected to friends & family, life seems to be more enjoyable. It's kind of funny if you think about it - if something is challenging in my life, the challenge is more bearable for me if others know about it. Has anything changed regarding my challenge? No. But somehow, the challenge is more bearable if others are with me on the journey. It's like something magical happens when we share our burdens with others, even if others are not directly helping us. Just having them know about what's going on in our lives helps get us through it. It's encouraging. It's affirming. It's validating.

Nowhere is this more apparent than on Facebook. Sometimes people post the most mundane details of their lives - things like "Heading to the grocery store - wish me luck". Why? Because just having other people know about it is validating. In that moment, it quenches their desire to be known.

And, there will inevitably be at least one person who follows it up with a "Like". There really isn't anything likeable about heading to the grocery store, but somehow it warrants a "Like". I think for the 'Liker' it's less about likeability and more about encouragement. It's kind of like saying, "Oh, you're heading to the grocery store? I know you and now I know you're going. Go for it!"

But then I started thinking to myself, Am I spending more time getting to know others, or more time trying to be known? It's really a lesson in self-centeredness. My pastor has put it this way: "Am I a 'here I am' kind of person, or a 'there you are' kind of person?" We all know them - those 'Here I am' people who walk into a room and expect everyone to notice them and give them attention. They tend to suck the life out of the entire room. Contrast that with the 'There you are' people who breathe life into the room by showing interest in others. They take attention off themselves and put it onto others, which affirms and encourages everyone they interact with. Ironically, it's the 'Here I am' people who are trying to be liked, but it's the 'There you are' people who actually succeed. People tend to love those who show interest in others. Why? Because people want to be known and you are showing interest in knowing them.

For me, the challenge isn't showing an interest in others but rather continuing to show interest after I realize they are a 'Here I am' person. They lack the conversational intuition to know when enough is enough, and they latch onto me until all my grace is gone. It's kind of like I don't want to encourage their selfishness by continuing to listen. It boggles my mind how some people will just take and take, but never give back - even among my Christian friends. I'll ask them question after question about their lives, but some of them almost never ask me a question about mine.

But, I'm sure from God's point of view I also appear to be a 'Here I am' kind of person. Most of my prayers center around me - my needs and my desires. Thank God for being an endless source of grace - He never runs out of grace to shower me with. I wish I could be more like Him. Thankfully, He is providing me with more and more reserve tanks of grace - extra measures of grace & patience which help bring me a little closer to a 'There you are' kind of person. Do I still relapse back to impatience? Sometimes. Do I still get frustrated? You bet. But, at least it's getting better.